Thursday, April 11, 2013

My soul thirsts

Sometimes I have all these thoughts that go through my head and I'm not sure any of them would make any sense if I said them out loud.
The thoughts are random, mostly quick and fleeting.
Counting out plates for a meal I go through the kids' names in my head, I pause between Abram & Noah not wanting to skip over Josiah's name but not wanting to say it aloud either.
Folding laundry I'll see a shirt and have this ache...he used to wear that.
And then I look at Noah. My lively, full of energy, adorable guy and realize that tomorrow...
...tomorrow he will be the exact age Josiah was the day he died.
Saturday he will 'pass' his older brother in age.
May 1st, he will turn 5...the birthday Joe never got to.
Then the tears flow.

and I pray. Pray for strength...for comfort.
He answers.
I open my bible to read these words:
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.