Thursday, April 11, 2013

My soul thirsts

Sometimes I have all these thoughts that go through my head and I'm not sure any of them would make any sense if I said them out loud.
The thoughts are random, mostly quick and fleeting.
Counting out plates for a meal I go through the kids' names in my head, I pause between Abram & Noah not wanting to skip over Josiah's name but not wanting to say it aloud either.
Folding laundry I'll see a shirt and have this ache...he used to wear that.
And then I look at Noah. My lively, full of energy, adorable guy and realize that tomorrow...
...tomorrow he will be the exact age Josiah was the day he died.
Saturday he will 'pass' his older brother in age.
May 1st, he will turn 5...the birthday Joe never got to.
Then the tears flow.

and I pray. Pray for strength...for comfort.
He answers.
I open my bible to read these words:
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.


EEEEMommy said...

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied.

Love you, friend. I'm so glad you know to go to the Source for comfort.

Leanne said...

Love you, girl.

Let those tears flow, for then your heart will be eased. Say his name out loud! Celebrate his life with those memories. When you come across that shirt, place it close to your face and breath deep of that smell.

I'm praying for you earnestly today.

And I love that passage of scripture. It has also lifted me up in those difficult times in my heart too.

ericksonzone said...

Oh Laura! What a tender post. You have strength beyond measure. What a blessing that we have comfort without end when we turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer and scripture. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers. Keep saying his name in your line up. He's watching from above and waiting for your sweet reunion.

Anonymous said...

How I wish I could hold you!!
I have shed many tears with you
over the loss of Josiah. One
had only to read your blog to
realize what a blessing he was
to your lives and how God uses
every 0pportunity to strenghthen you my little loafa bread.